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13 March 2001

Sanction

I've been following the journals of Kaycee and her mom (Debbie) for several months now. Kaycee, happily, is winning her battle against cancer, having recently been discharged from the hospital. But the whole thing has taken its toll on their family. Debbie's most recent journal entries (Part I and Part II) describe the tension that has developed between her and her husband over this period. From her description, her husband's relatives sound like real a-holes, and her husband sounds like a chip off the old block. I've no idea how things have gotten to where they are (maybe it's in her archives).

However, several sentences made me bolt upright in my chair as I read them: "I held it in as always. But it festered on me all through dinner. He kept adding to the growing pile upon my shoulders. I thought it was me. I thought I was at fault in some way. I retraced my thoughts and heard my children asking the same questions I was. I tried to see things through my husbands eyes. I tried to come up with why he was so intent on blaming all of us. . . . My background suggested my weakness and fear. I have allowed him to put me in my place because this is how I was raised."

Most of the time, a-holes need an enabler. It sounds like this a-hole found the perfect enabler! And it's something that puzzles me, this desire of seemingly strong and intelligent people to please people who, in some ways, are the worst the world has to offer because they demand to be pleased (and never are) -- in essence, controlling those who would please them. What a charming man, who, from the sounds of things, is resentful of the time kaycee's mother devoted to her when she was fighting cancer! See things "through [the a-hole's] eyes"?!? Please. Stick a fork in his eyes if anything.

I admire Kaycee's mom in many ways, because I've seen her strength over the months I've been reading her journal. That's why I was completely astounded to see the complete opposite of strength in the most recent. A-holes like a person who would resent Kaycee for having her mother's attention PREY on people who can be made to feel quilty for their virtues -- and make no mistake, Debbie's devotion to her daughter is a virtue. A-holes like that are the weakest of humans, for they depend on others for their strength. And they always seem to find an otherwise well meaning person who will utter the monstrous words "I have allowed him to put me in my place. . . ."

Yes, Debbie, you have allowed him to do something horrible -- he's caused you to doubt yourself and your own sense of morality. But no, I beg to differ. That is NOT your place. Grovelling to please an overbearing and apparently insecure master is not your place at all. Period. And what a transvaluation of moral values (to borrow from Nietzsche) it represents!

Blar :(

[Posted @ 10:56 PM CST]


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