Mr. Football And Chrissy

Bigtime Comedy at UT
Mr. Football and Mr. Heisman (ha ha!)

I had quite a start today as I was reading the NY Times online. After clicking into the international section, I had the nagging thought that I had just seen a photo of Mack "Mr. Football" Brown and Chris "My Daddy Won a Super Bowl" Simms on the front page. So I clicked back.

And sure enough, there they are, being picked by the NY Times to lead the Longhorns to a college football National Championship. I had a good laugh, as I started to read the article. I had an even better laugh when I got to this part:

Between bites of a hamburger and a slice of pizza, sips from a Coke and a milk shake, he can quote the knocks against his ability, something he was reminded of just an hour earlier while reading an unnamed coach's scouting report in a national magazine.

"I panic," he said, reciting a familiar chorus with an amused smile. "I telegraph where I'm throwing the ball. I'm the reason we won't win it all."

It obviously does not affect his appetite or make him shrink from autograph seekers at the restaurant. Simms even has a pretty good idea of the scouting report's source, though he would rather not identify him until after the Longhorns' Oct. 12 showdown with Oklahoma, their conference rival.

Mike Stoops, maybe? Brent Venables perhaps? Even Bob Stoops himself? Or was it Roy Williams?! Come on, Chrissy -- tell us what you think! Don't pull this Biggio/Bagwell routine of saying "I'm not gonna bring it up" and then doing just that. How lame. Just like getting benched through your career in favor of Major Applewhite, probably the only UT Longhorn I've ever liked (except when he was playing Oklahoma).

The NY Times proves with this piece that their editorial judgment in sports is just as suspect as it is in economics, politics, and world affairs. LAST year was UT's year to win it -- they had a similar group of talent, ranked #1 in the country when it was recruited, and a much more favorable schedule (no Nebraska, no K-State). But they still had Oklahoma on the schedule, just like this year. OOPS. And I wouldn't count on Oklahoma giving a game away to Oklahoma State to let Texas win the Big 12 South this time. That was a fluke. And Mack will find a way to lose a game he should probably win. That's his history.

Oklahoma, meanwhile, is the preseason pick of Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News, and ESPN Mag. These things don't mean all that much, granted. But at least in Bob Stoops case, he HAS managed to win it all. Mack Brown's track record suggests he won't.

Both the NY Times and Texas Monthly ought to leave college football to others.

(Update) Robyn reminds me of Chrissy's stunt last year, which I had entirely forgotten. After costing his team the game in the Big 12 Championship (which Texas backed into because Oklahoma blew their game against Oklahoma State), Chrissy Simms wouldn't face his teammates on the bus, but instead rode back from the game with his daddy:

The crushing defeat was bad enough. Simms then decided to ride back to the hotel with his father Phil instead of taking the team bus. But to get to the car, Simms had to walk a parking-lot gantlet of insults from invective fans. One enterprising television cameraman followed the pair to the car like it was O.J. and Johnny Cochran heading out of the courtroom.

When Phil suggested that enough was enough, even the cameraman laid into Chris.

"It was miserable, really, for me," Simms said. "I was heartbroken. Never before in my life was I hurt more by one game."

So instead of facing the pain with his teammates, who were also hurting (in no small part because of his disastrous performance), Chrissy runs crying to daddy.

Is that really the kind of guy you go to war with, who leads you to the National Championship? I don't think so.

[Posted at 13:49 CST on 08/25/02] [Link]