Tonight's entry is going to be a little bit different.  I started the journal so that I would have a record of daily thoughts, that I would be sure and "get down" thoughts as they strike me.  I usually update the journal late in the evening, right before going to bed, so that I can sit and mull over the day's events.  Some nights, unfortunately, I'm either worn out or maybe even senile and forget to note all things that I should.  Occasionally I'll wake up at 2 am and think "Damn, I should have written that down."  I'm not addicted enough to the journal that I bother to get up and do it at that point, however!  So tonight I'm throwing in some random thoughts that I've missed recording over the past week or so.

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I had about a two-hour long phone conversation with my mom on Mother's Day.  I don't talk to mom and dad as often as I used to, because it's so easy to send emails back and forth now that they've gone online.  Sometimes, however, it's just good to spend some time communicating the old-fashioned way.  We chatted about Kiwi, and Pawhuska, and census, and stupid people, and exercise, and when she should come to Houston to visit and too many other things I can't remember.  It was altogether pleasant. 

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Yesterday, I stiffed a waiter.  Given the level of incompetence I've experienced this week, I guess it wasn't notable enough for me to remember to write about a lone incompetent waiter.  I went back to Zuchini's in the Galleria, this time with Maxwell and Hallmark.  The waiter, Jesse, seemed to have an attitude that he just couldn't be bothered.  We ordered, and when the food came, he handed me my plate across the table -- yeah, he couldn't bother to walk around and put it down, he MADE me take it.  No big deal.  I was trying to be mellow.  Except then he disappeared.  And Hallmark's tea sat empty.  Never mind that every other tea drinker in the restaurant had been taken a carafe full of tea -- apparently Hallmark wasn't worthy.  He finally secured a refill.  And then Jesse disappeared again.  Hallmark finally just left us some cash and went back to the office.  He came back, and we asked for the check, ASAP.  At this point Jesse picks up my plate, drops it, and nearly dumps salad dressing all over me (in my favorite tie, no less!).  Then he goes away to wait ON AT LEAST THREE OTHER TABLES instead of bringing us the check, even AFTER I caught his eye and shot him the Phil Jackson look (if you are wondering what that is -- ask).  I nearly walked the entire check.   Instead, I told Maxwell we were leaving no tip, which I think appalled her (being former waitstaff herself).  But I was insistent.  At work I put up with management and coworkers who are incompetent, but at least I get paid for it.  I refuse to pay someone to be incompetent.  And so, Jesse got no tip and I doubt I'll soon be returning to that place.  Often I will speak to a manager in circumstances like that, but yesterday was no day for that to happen.

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Kellas sent me an email over the weekend with which I totally identified.  He and I in some ways are fighting the same battles right now.  I'm not sure of the resolution.  The crux of the problem is this:  we both care deeply about our work, we both are inclined to fix our work and everyone else's, and then, to quote a favorite author of mine, we realize we are "casting pearl's without getting even a porkchop in return."  This is the dilemma of achievers who wind up in organizations that do not value achievers, or whose management values them much the same as Peter Keating or James Taggart valued achievers whose greatness they could steal shamelessly.  I want to believe there are organizations that do value achievers.   If not, we shall just have to create one.

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The night Kiwi adopted me, I remembered when I was living in Springfield MO and working on my 216 page master's thesis.  I would often go sit outside and just rest.  A sweet little kitten found me and "adopted" me during that time -- and at that time most cats hated me for some reason, though I had no ill will towards them.  Now that I've made a commitment to finish the dissertation for the fall semester, I find it interesting that another very compelling creature has found me and taken me in, so to say.  

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I received another email today from someone in Sweden who saw the BBC documentary on Gordon Stuber.  Both of the young ladies have given me permission to reprint their emails.  Also, one of them sent me the website of the two young ladies in question.   I'll be incorporating all of this in my Gordon Stuber Page soon, probably sometime this weekend.  No doubt the Au Pair girls billed themselves as sluts for hire, but that doesn't change my opinion of Mr. Stuber.

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I've written tonight's journal entry early.  I have a decent amount of work I brought home from the office that I am going to get after now.  I figured the journal could have the best of me during my "time off" tonight, instead of the circumstance the last few nights. 

Copyright (c) 2000, Kevin L. Whited